Bitterness

Bitterness is that hateful sourness in the heart, soul, and spirit that slithers in when you have been, or think you have been, wronged. Let me begin by telling you a little story.

John wanted a new computer for his hobbies. John’s parents told him if he would paint the outside of the house he would earn enough to get his dream computer before the summer ended. John was really excited and wanted to get started right away.

John got started on the house. At first he was making progress. Then the results started fading away. John had not kept his eye-on-the-prize. Day after day of no work turned into a month. Then two months went by without any painting. His parents reminded him of his agreement from time to time.

John came home one day after a weekend at a friend’s house. He was shocked. The house was finished being painted. Also he noticed a new car in the driveway. After an angry discussion with his parents about how he “was” going to finish the painting he learned that his brother, Ben, had finished the remaining half of the house and received money to put a down payment on buying a car.

John thought this was unfair. He tried to explain to his parents and his brother that he was going to finish it when he returned. He at least thought he should have gotten half the money but his parents said he had agreed to paint the whole house.

John can not stand his brother for stabbing him in the back. Bitterness is setting in because he believes he has been treated unfairly.

Unfortunately, part of being human is to suffer from pointed, sharp, and painful words or actions from other people. These experiences are motivated by jealously, conceit, hurtful intentions, and ignorance. Yet being the recipient of these experiences does not lessen the pain. Most of the time, bitterness is caused by people we cannot escape, or people we love, or people we cannot confront, or people we respect and trust such as: father, mother, brothers, sisters, grandparents, uncles, aunts, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, roommates, neighbors, friends, co-workers, business partners, and even God. The list goes on. The person’s offense might be minor and it does not have to be great, it just has to be by someone that is close to you.

Each of us has an inner sense of what is right, fair, or just. When that is violated a natural result is to react, to right the wrongs and correct the injustices or to become bitter. When one becomes offended or disappointed by others and allows the hurt to germinate in the heart, bitterness and resentment will take root. This is characterized by an unforgiving spirit and generally results in a negative critical attitude, which is sinful and self-defeating. Bitterness, like a cancerous tumor, will eat you up on the inside. One of the bad things about bitterness is that it does not stop; it keeps getting worse.

 Bitterness triggers:

• Fragmention of other peoples lives
• Antisocial behavior
• Hatred
• Cruelty to yourself and others
• Prideful ambition (arrogance)
• Rejection of Bible teaching
• Antagonism
• Complaining
• Unteachableness (implacability)
• Isolation
• Vindictiveness and desires for revenge
• Gossip
• Lack of grace orientation
• Self-pity
• Sin

When a Christian is bitter he/she looses close fellowship with God and it is a hindrance in the relationship with Jesus. Bitterness causes a loss of many of the blessings of the normal Christian life, including emotional stability, peace, and joys. And bitterness results in the loss of production of good works.

Whether the offense is real or imagined does not really matter. If you are not careful to deal with the initial feelings by taking them to God and forgiving the wrongdoer, they can turn into bitterness.

If someone wrongs you, do not hurt yourself by becoming bitter. One of the devil’s biggest lies is that you can “get back” at someone by hating them. Revenge is not an option for a Christian. Ask God to give you the grace to forgive. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). “Behold, bitterness became deliverance to me. In Your love You have delivered my soul out of the pit of destruction; for You have cast all my sins behind my back.” (Isa 38:17). Ephesians 1:8 tells us that we have available to us “wisdom and prudence” which are part of God’s grace provision for us. Wisdom comes with a understanding of Bible and the principles of Christian living. Prudence is the practical use of applied Bible truths in making decisions and solving problems in this life.

How Do We Overcome Bitterness? Anyone can overcome a bitter hart, soul, and spirit. God encourages us to deal with it “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger…” (Ephesians 4:31). The Bible clear that if we take what God teaches us about overcoming bitterness and apply it, we can be free of the bondage of bitterness. Go up to that person that wronged you. Talk with them, explain your feelings, and discuss both of your view points. Something may work out, then again something may not, but at least you made an effort to try and your soul is clean.

Two wrongs never make a right. You cannot build your happiness on someone else’s unhappiness. No one is happy around bitter people. Pray and ask God to help you on your journey out of this hurt. It may take a while but believe me, it works.

SEE…

• Psalm 73:21-22
• Ephesians 4:31-5:2
• Read how Peter and John handled their anger against Simon in Act 8:9-24